The Big Misconception About Networking

I believe that most people inherently want to help. Our capacity for cooperation is a key reason why our ancestors didn’t club each other to extinction on the plains of Africa. When it comes to the business of writing, surrounding yourself with helpful people is critical, which is why the word “networking” gets tossed around so frequently and with so much weight. However, there’s a difference between networking and building relationships that many people fail to see. 

I was reminded of this recently while I was having lunch with a mentor of mine. I was complaining about how, even though I had a script with a great concept and a couple of contest accolades, I wasn’t getting any responses to my queries. I had built up a respectable network of industry contacts, so I thought that when I had an exciting project ready to go, they’d be willing to check it out. 

Nope. Didn’t happen. Didn’t even get a reply. It was at this point in the conversation that my mentor set his coffee down with a tired sigh and hit me with the “yeah, no shit. They don’t know you.” Meeting somebody at a mixer and sending them a follow up email doesn’t automatically create goodwill or intimacy. 

Maybe this is obvious to most people (it was certainly obvious to my mentor) but networking isn’t like Pokémon where you try to collect as many LinkedIn friends as possible. It’s about building relationships. Nobody likes that friend who only reaches out when they need something. So it wasn’t realistic of me to expect any favors from people whom I’d never met or only spoken to once or twice.

I think the reason why many people claim to not enjoy networking is because there’s a part of it that feels slimy, like you’re immediately evaluating people’s worth based on what they might be able to do for you. I certainly felt that way when I was starting out. But that’s not what a network is. A network is a group that shares resources and helps each other. Changing my mindset about this has been tremendously valuable. Now if I’m at an event, I’m not trying to pitch myself or my work, I’m just trying to meet people and make a real connection. I do this for two reasons. One, I’d much rather have more friends and colleagues than impressive LinkedIn connections whom I don’t actually know. And two, I find I’m much more excited and less nervous to attend networking events if I go into them with the mindset to meet like-minded people and to be myself than feel pressured to meet “the right people” and to be impressive.

If networking is like Pokémon, then I don’t need to “catch ‘em all.” I’d much rather be a part of a small team of connections that helps each other grow, overcome challenges, and be the very best that we can be.